UNEEK UK

JOKES

 

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Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in
the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet
paint you touch it to be sure?


Bob: My wife drives like lightning.
Ted: She drives fast?
Bob: No, she hits trees!


Q. What's charred and black and smells really bad?
A. A cat chewing on an extension cord.


Q. Why is marriage like the Army?
A. Everyone complains about it, but a surprising number re-enlist.


Q. Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper?
A. He sold his soul to Santa.


News of the day : "Scientists have just released Viagra in the form of
eye drops. Apparently it does nothing for your sex life but it makes you
look really hard."


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This last one is supposedly a true story

Transcript of a radio conversation between a,
US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995:

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN,
THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET.
WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS.
I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH
OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE TAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse - your call!

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