UNEEK UK

FEMININE LANGUAGE



A must-read for all men.
Keywords and their meanings:

FINE:
This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are
right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how
woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES:
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an
even trade.

NOTHING:
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is
usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you
inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an
argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with a huffy "Fine."

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows):
This is a dare, one that will result in my getting upset over "Nothing"
and will end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows):
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You
will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by
"Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes"
when she cools off.

(LOUD SIGH):
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at
that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over "Nothing."

(SOFT SIGH):
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the
few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best
bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

OH!:
This exclaimation, followed by any statement, is trouble. Example: "Oh,
let me get that." Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing
last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to
the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done
tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to
you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually
signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get
out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows and "Go ahead" followed by
acts so unspeakable that we can't bring ourselves to write about them.

THAT'S OK:
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a
man. "That's OK" means that she wants to think long and hard before
paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's
OK" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a
raised eyebrow. "Go ahead." At some point in the near future when she
has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO:
This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman is giving you the
chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing
whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the
truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's OK."

THANKS:
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say, "You're welcome."

THANKS A LOT:
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A LOT,"
when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt
her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be
careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only
say "Nothing."

I hope this clears up any misunderstandings...

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